Cleft lip and palate

On a random outburst, I decided to go onto YouTube to look up cleft lip and palate. There are actually videos on there! I didn't think there would be, since I've known YT primarily for its makeup tutorials and music videos. Anyhow, those videos range from their life experiences to before and after pictures.

Being born with CLP took a major emotional toll on me. I saw videos of others who live their lives like CLP hadn't impacted them. I was totally wowed because I felt like my childhood was an emotional wreck. One particular speaker exuded so much confidence as she spoke about CLP that it took me by surprise. I wondered why I had ever given my facial deformity so  much power to take me down to a state of depression and to shut myself out of the world. WHY DID I DO THAT TO MYSELF? Appearance in that aspect seems soooooo trivial. It is absolutely important to take care of ourselves, otherwise we'd waste our once- in- a- lifetime youth BUT! to give appearance the power to bring us to a state of depression? to shut us down and not make friends? to not enjoy what the world has to offer? to not play sports? WHY must we give appearance SO MUCH POWER??? I am angry! Anger won't do me any good right now b/c I can't do anything to change the past 20 years, but I do have right now and my years ahead of me to make those friends and enjoy life's excitements. As I was browsing through the videos I realized that the severity of my CLP was not as bad as others. Mine looks pretty darn GOOD after comparing it. Having only seen four others in my life w/ CLP, I felt alienated and isolated. I didn't know there was a small community on YT, and definitely didn't know any other female going through the same path as I was. I felt so alone in it! Looking back, the random people I've seen w/ CLP weren't severe. Even then, I didn't know what severity levels existed. It's unfortunate that I have to compare it to others to realize how I look is better than OKAY, but that was how it was. Looking more asymmetric than others fool w/ your mind. It made me think that I looked pretty bad. Comparing myself to others was a bad idea. It is a completely bad idea for anyone.

Feeling pretty should really be based on how we feel about ourselves rather than how we think others see us. It's one of the most painful things to do: trying to see ourselves in others' perspectives. We hurt ourselves as we ASSume others' thoughts and critiques. We are so absolutely awful to ourselves when we do this. It's awful that we are our worst critics. Obsession w/ looking even better than others is sick, too. We can't compare ourselves to others as we are not the same. If you have an identical twin, comparing yourself to her/him is just as useless. Our creativity and minds were not created to function in unison. You will have different preferences, which will show physically through makeup and fashion. Furthermore, genetics! Nobody is an exact carbon copy! General weight, height, and body size/shape differences. Comparing ourselves to others can make us feel better after knowing we're in a more fortunate situation than them, but if the extremity of comparing ourselves to others negatively effect our self-esteem and confidence-- then let go of that! We're sometimes masochists who love to indulge in self-pity and pain. Ridiculous.

We're unique. We're different. We're each an individual. We're one of a kind. No other is like us. There's no comparison. We just need to truly appreciate ourselves and believe that how we are is blessed because tons of thousands are not as fortunate as us.

When I was much younger, I was so obsessed and involved w/ how my CLP made me look so different that I didn't look beyond it. I was never curious about others who had CLP. I've only seen FOUR in my 20 years! I didn't think there were many here! That's why CLP vloggers caught me by surprise. What I had known was God had given me a deformed face. I questioned Him so many times why it had to be me. Why he had done this to me? Talk about self-loathing, self-pity, and acting like the victim and doing nothing to fix my helplessness. I never told any of my friends my journey through CLP b/c I didn't want their pity. I didn't want them to treat me any different than they were treating their other friends, but in return, I pitied myself and treated my OWN self differently. I did not realize that until tonight. This is twisted! I am still enraged by my past actions and thoughts, but these lessons are learned.

Lesson 1: Do not, under any circumstance, compare yourself to others so you can indulge in self-loathe and pity.
Lesson 2: Each of us are more fortunate than tens of thousands others, so we must not have to compare to learn that; we must appreciate what we have.
Lesson 3: Never give your appearance any destructive power.

Working it out,
Lessons