Here is a hand to hold

How is it possible that in one moment you are here and in the next second you are gone? Death has always scared and saddened me. It's not that any of my loved ones have passed, but I weep reading celebrity suicides-- most prominently in the Korean entertainment industry. I first read of Lee Eun-joo's (Pheonix) passing, followed by models and other actors (most recently Park Yong-ha) and actresses. I see their pictures posted on the articles and it baffles me that their bright smiles will never be tactile again. They're all painted memories in the form of pictures now. Looking at their pictures, I put together an image in my head of their full stature and feel the pounding of their heartbeats and the sound of their breaths. How, in one instant can all of that be taken away and all that is left is a still form? It pains me that they underwent such excruciating pain and depression to have resorted to commit suicide. I obviously never knew them personally, but their works of art through film and television brought their presence towards me. The sound of their laughter to the happy image of their smile to the sound of their voices. It's such a sad thought that-- despite myself never having met them-- they aren't here to grace the world with their presence that they never knew others would have accepted despite their personal problems.

I stopped going to church some years ago because I do not believe in God; however, I will pray for their spirits and send out my good wishes to those who have passed. I pray and hope that no one else commits suicide. I just wish those who want to attempt it know that they are more loved than they think and will continue to have their loved ones love them even if they have problems. Depression is a monster that consumes anyone, so please, don't feel like you are the only one being eaten alive. Please consult with your loved ones, if not, please consult with a doctor and I am plenty sure that he/she will be more than willing to help. Death is such a depressing way to "resolve" a situation because the biggest factor that resides is that you will not be here to hug, laugh w/, and be that one person to be w/ to embrace whatever else life gives you. Your presence is sooo much more important. You may be one of a million people who are living on this earth, but that does not make you any less significant than the others. You most likely touched the lives of those who are in your life and have met without knowing it simply because we often times don't tell you how special and happy you've made them. On my end, I withhold these types of compliments as I fear it would make you cocky. Never think that the world would be "better off w/o you." If you are surrounded by people who are unappreciative of your presence, befriend those who make you happy. We are often discouraged by negative people in our lives, so please move forward and leave them behind. My one wish would be to not involve yourself in a gang. I can see how it is a family, but the deaths that come hand in hand with it is heartbreaking. You can find friends who will accept you with open arms rather than through torturous initiations. You can find friends who can fill your heart with love that you don't have to go around w/ hatred to kill others. There is so much sadness in the world as it is already, give yourself the purpose to lighten up the lives of others. Negativity has a lot of (bad) power, so please don't give it any more fuel.

Independence Day is this weekend and I am thankful for my freedom. In the US, I can do whatever I want without as much limitations that exist in other nations. I've taken it for granted for so long that I've just realized it when someone had mentioned it to me. I can do soooo much more but didn't realize it because I was born here and haven't seen how it is like in other walks of life. For the freedom that I have in the United States, I must live my life and be as great as I want to be.




This is Sunny Choi. She arranged Train's "If It's Love" into this melodic and serene piece; she is a great musician/ pianist whose music brings a smile to my heart.